For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken. ~Psalm 62:1-2
As a woman I worship at the idol of outcome. This new year I have been spending a lot of time seeking the threshing that can only come through the Holy Spirit, looking inward to really pull apart different areas where I am struggling or where He would like to change me. And I would have to say that I defend outcome and maybe even protect this idol.
The idolatry of outcome – I don’t really know if this is the right term. But it pervades every aspect of my thinking. I confess I continuously assess and make adjustments based on whether the outcome is positive or negative. So when results are apparent or good in my opinion (which is SO limited, and yet what I am using as my barometer), then my perspective is that I am successful. When results are lacking or poor, then discouragement, doubt, and a desire to change course creep in.
As a mother, outcome has wrapped its tentacles around my heart, and I have to work feverishly to get free. Because outcome isn’t assured in motherhood. No matter what the studies or books tell you, you cannot ensure that your children walk with God or that they are happy, or successful or whatever you think is important. So today it seems like everything is going well, but then when tomorrow comes, it seems like everything is in a mess. And we worry that we need to change course or shift the method. I don’t have the long term perspective that God has, and I cannot see around the bend. So I wonder if this method of potty training or this way to teach obedience/respect/honor or this Bible lesson will actually result in a productive, loving person. And if it doesn’t because my child is showing that he or she also is a sinner in desperate need of God’s grace, I fault myself and look to see how to get a better result. God is so much more engaged and committed to the children in my home than I will ever be. That’s truth. And He is a faithful, pursuing, and patient sovereign God.
As a woman, outcome has captured me. We are surrounded with imagery, articles, and countless other social media contexts in which we can see where we don’t measure up to a standard or how we could improve our health, weight, beauty, aging process, the way our home looks, or anything else that needs improving. So I chase the outcome with a fixation that declares that my success or failure will impact my attitude and sense of self. I have to work to shed outcome in these areas, knowing that my value does not come from my beauty. My value has already been determined by One who declares me his.
I also think I defend this idol as good or helpful for success. I think many would argue that without considering outcome, you cannot make progress. But idols are idols because of the place they occupy in our hearts, not because of what they are. And when outcome occupies a place of power in my heart where my thinking can be realigned without a submission to God’s plan first, then I am prostrate before a powerless god that will not lead me to the heart of God.
God has an outcome barometer as well. His outcome however is eternally measured, full of ripples, twists and turns I could never see as important or impactful. His call is for me to trust in Him, to be as Psalm 125:1 says, “like Mount Zion, which cannot be moved, but abides forever.” But abiding is often hard, and results can be slow to be seen, and my eyes can slide to how I can get the outcome God “needs.” Like Sarah with Abraham, I can seek outcome over abiding. But I will end up with heartache and need to repent.
So how is the idol taken down and destroyed? By the truth of the Gospel. I don’t need to be enslaved to outcomes, because I know the One who determines all outcomes for eternity. So in my moments of making my outcome equate with my value or worth, I need to remember my true value. I am his child (Rom. 8:16). He has made me a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17) and freed me from slavery to sin and death (Rom. 6:6-7,11). He is faithful to continue transforming me into His image, one degree at a time (2 Cor. 3:18). So the shift of thinking in that moment with His divine power to destroy the stronghold that declares my value is linked to my work (2 Cor. 10:4-5) and to know that I am completely secure in His love for me (Rom. 8:38-39). He alone is my salvation and my soul can rest quietly in Him.