Lies of Motherhood – You need to be perfect

The lie of perfectionism in motherhood can trap you and me. In this series we have been studying how the Gospel combats and defeats the lies that threaten to bind us or enslave us. Most of us would probably argue that we do not believe this lie, that we know we cannot be perfect mothers. There is no perfect mother we may confidently declare. We may even reject the struggle against this lie and know we cannot ever measure up to the perfect standard for motherhood.

Whatever the picture of motherhood looks like for you may be different than what it looks like to me. And while the perfect standard of motherhood may be something you say is elusive or unattainable, we still chase it and allow its measurements to find us falling woefully short.

Identify the lie

We can see our failings, point out our flaws, and roll our eyes at the ways we fall short. “I’m just unorganized, I’m very structured and rigid, I struggle with being patient, I’m not the ______________ “fill in the blank. But we believe we fall short of something. Unbidden within our hearts is the knowledge that we do not meet all the standards across the board. An elusive norm exists that is the measure of a good mother, and everything else ultimately falls short of this benchmark.

This lie captures us quickly with that new baby and then burrows underground, holding court deep in our hearts. It quietly mounts a savage attack with whispers of how you and I could be better, reminds us of everytime we miss the mark, every moment we lose our temper, every time we forget something important, every way we are just learning. You and I must be able to identify the lies being spoken in our mind and in our culture, especially the ones we believe and embrace.

Combat the Lie with the truth

The truth is this: You are a forgiven mother. Just as every other part of your identity is wrapped in Jesus Christ as a believer, so is your motherhood.

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished upon us in all wisdom and insight.

Ephesians 1:7

His lavish grace and the forgiveness of all our sin overflows. It does not merely fill but overflows with all wisdom and insight. His grace is lavish for us, without limit, unending. His forgiveness is complete.

In motherhood the hardest thing to reconcile, to lay down is when I sin against a child. I have a confession: my tongue can stir up division and wound so quickly. I have also learned that my children can hurt or offend me. Early on I believed that I was impervious to their attacks, but as my children have matured, so has their ability to wound as well. Perhaps I am harsh, rude, selfish, “over it,” whatever my attitude – I wound a little heart or speak terribly to a teenager.

Gripped with conviction, I seek to confess and repent both to my child and to God. But standing in the fullness of forgiveness is hard when the lie creeps in. “You should be better than this, you always mess up this way, you never change, this is failure.” In those moments of whispered lies that seek to compare me to a standard, I must cling to the banner of the One who says I am complete in Him.

Standing in the fullness of forgiveness is hard when the lie creeps in.

Understanding the power of the Gospel begins to set me free and will set you free from the lie of perfectionism in motherhood and every other role we have. The Gospel clearly defines you and me as lost, trapped in our sinful ways (which includes a sharp tongue), dead and hopeless. But God who is rich in mercy, because of his great love for you and for me, even when you and I were as wicked as we could possibly be with our children, made us alive with Christ. (Ephesians 2:10) You and I have been saved by grace when we place our faith in Jesus as the only way to be changed and made new, in every part of our lives, including motherhood.

He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Colossians 1:13-14

The truth becomes my message

We now live in a completely different kingdom! No more living as dead, darkness bound by our sins. In the kingdom of Christ we stand redeemed!

We now live as redeemed children of God, wholly loved and accepted. https://www.instagram.com/bethanykimsey/

Bought and paid for, lavishly loved, I am free to extend grace and mercy to my children in their own sin. Grace does NOT overlook sin, ignore it, or allow it to continue – NO – grace meets sin with the solution, Jesus Christ. Grace faces the flesh and extends living hope into the space of death. As mothers we are called to hold to His truth, extend the grace and mercy that has redeemed us, and point to Jesus for our children.

Lies of Motherhood – You are alone

One lie of motherhood is the whisper that you are alone. How we meet that lie is critical – we can turn to Christ or fill our lives with poor substitutes.

Loneliness opens a chasm with us, a quiet void that can grow pulling within itself our confidence, our joy, our peace, our contentment. We long to fill it and to feel connected. We seek to feel treasured, valued and deeply related to others. Motherhood can move this void to the forefront of our heart and mind in so many ways. The lie begins to whisper that you and I are alone in motherhood.

The lie is whispered in the quiet moments, “You are all alone in this.” It thunders in the chaotic toddler years, “No one else is living through what you are. Even your husband doesn’t experience this like you do.” Echoing off of every teenage interaction is the belief that you are the only one dealing with the rebellious or withdrawn child. You may be a single mother, wishing desperately for someone to share the load, believing that no one ever will. Unbidden, the lie creeps into your thoughts that no one really knows you, your day, and you have no true friends walking the same path or in the same stage. Perhaps the lie speaks to the fear that if anyone really knew you with your children, they wouldn’t like you so isolation is better.

So I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you.

Joshua 1:5

The ultimate lie is: You are all alone. No one truly sees you or walks with you in this journey of life. And the emptiness within your soul opens. Immediately thoughts leap to ways to fill the void and soothe the aching. Find girlfriends to support, give the kids to your husband for the day that he would finally understand, or buy that wine, those shoes, that purse, whatever in the moment will dampen those feelings and fill you. Do it because you deserve it, you are rocking this motherhood life alone juggling work, baby, house, food, laundry – no one does it like you and you deserve to feel better.

But we must cling to the truth and expunge the lie. You are not alone.

Keep your life free from love of money and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you. So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper, I will not fear; what can man do to me?”

Hebrews 13:5-6

I will never leave you

In Hebrews 13, the author is referencing back to Joshua 1:5 when Moses told Joshua that God would never leave or forsake him as he entered the Promised Land. Joshua was assuming leadership of the Israelites, and the path to victory would be arduous, full of battles, unknowns, fears, and would require trust and allegiance to God alone to ensure victory. And Hebrews brings this truth into the life of the believers.

To leave in Greek means “to slacken a grip; to desert.” His grip on me, the steadying of my foot, the assuredness of His presence doesn’t slacken, never loosens, and maintains His secure grasp. You and I are held as we walk out motherhood and all other life journeys just like Christ secured Peter as they walked on the water. The waves cannot envelope the believer whose hand is gripped by the Almighty.

Never will I forsake you

To forsake means “to leave behind.” The darkest parts of my heart, the fears and ideas that lurk in me that declare that no one should see – He sees and does NOT turn away. In every other relationship here on this earth, we hide and cover some parts of our darkened hearts, knowing inherently that exposing those places may lead to rejection. The truth is no matter how well anyone loves you, he or she will never fully know you or meet your needs. But God does. Sit a moment in worship there. My feeble attempts at relationship are met with the perfect flood of relationship. He never leaves me in a position of lack, whether it is lack of peace, joy, contentment, strength, power, love. He never leaves.

The desertion we experience, however desperate or empty we feel, is not because God has withdrawn Himself from you and me. As saved, redeemed children washed in His Son’s blood and made new, we are sealed with His presence, His Holy Spirit. But in my own experience I am so capable of walking away from the truth He offers and rushing to any tangible comfort to slake the thirst for companionship. When any other person or activity usurps my walk with Him, I will absolutely feel lonely and my ears will once again begin to hear the steady drumbeat of isolation.

The Lord is my Helper; I will not fear

When I replace the lie that I am all alone with the Truth that He is on my side as my Helper, I call on Him. He answers me and sets me free. We are created with a desperate need to walk with someone, to link arms and do this really hard job in relationship. God freely offers Himself, His grace filled presence to you and me!

The open declaration that He is my Helper comes straight out of Psalm 118. I encourage you to read this beautiful passage of worship and praise to the One who loves you and me steadfastly and responds to us. Worship becomes the song of a heart tied tightly to God. Grace becomes our melody. No longer should I dance to the song of this world that encourages me to placate my fears with anything other than Christ alone. In Christ I have everything for I have Him.

He is my Helper. Today in the laundry, cooking, cleaning, He is beside me in companionship. In the fighting and whining, He stands in solidarity with me, offering strength and wisdom. In the fear and discouragement, He offers His true hope and joy where I can trust. In the clamor of a thousand voices, He offers His peace to still my heart and mind and control my tongue. He never leaves. You and I can worship and walk fully in His presence. I am not alone. You are not alone when Jesus is your Redeemer.

God knew

During those many days the king of Egypt died, and the people of Israel groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help. Their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God. And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. God saw the people of Israel—and God knew.

Exodus 2:23-25

Have you ever been in another room in the house but all of a sudden you hear the cries and screams of one of your children echo through the halls? In an instant you know. You know something has gone horribly wrong, the quiet of your children in the moments before the scream was really the “danger quiet” – that quiet of children doing things they know are wrong, so they do them very quietly to see if they can avoid getting caught. Until someone gets hurt. Then almost as if all these missing puzzle pieces come shuffling into place, I can know every part of the activity I was previously missing as I am racing towards the injured. My mother’s heart attends to the cries of my children. I can know by a look on their face or a slight whimper that something is not right, and I can tell by their cry whether they are hurt a little or a lot. I have studied and learned my children because they are mine. 

‭‭Exodus relays the story of the Israelites in captivity in Egypt. Slavery, loss, suffering, and death had become their way of life. The people of Israel groaned and cried out for help; their cry for rescue came up to God. God heard their cries. And then look in this passage: God remembered His covenant, He saw, and God knew.

He intimately knows your hurt, your need, your desire and your hope. Easily I forget in the living out of hard spaces. I begin to doubt that He knows His plan, His way for His glory. Just like with his plan for the Israelites rescue, He is at work in you and me.

God heard their groaning

God hears our cries. He heard the Hebrews’ groanings of fear, worry, confusion, and heartache. They had come to Egypt as welcomed guests many years ago, but over the years their growth and prosperity threatened the king of Egypt. In response Pharaoh had slaughtered a generation of their boys and ruthlessly demanded the people of Israel work as slaves.

He hears the murmurs of our hearts, the yearnings of our souls, and He listens. Over and over we see God listening to the cries of his people. Psalm 18:6 says, “In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.” How beautiful to know that God hears our voices and our cries!

God remembered his covenant

As the people are crying out, desperate for Him, His help and His intervention, God remembers His covenant promise. He does not remember their good acts, their obedience, their anything. He remembers His promise to Abraham.

His faithful word held all the merit that was needed. The promise then was to a people set apart who were offered relationship and protection from God.

God established a new covenant through His son Jesus Christ. Jesus settled the issue of payment for our sin once and for all with His death on the cross and defeated death for eternity through His resurrection. Hebrews 8:6 declares, “But as it is, Christ has obtained a ministry that is as much more excellent than the old as the covenant he mediates is better, since it is enacted on better promises.” The new covenant offered through Jesus Christ sets you and me apart, offers us true relationship with Him, and changes who we are.

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 10 Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

1 Peter 2:9-10

This is the Gospel story. Thankfully our God recalls not our worthiness nor our contributions, but He looks at His Son. He looks at His hand outstretched, His own blood shed, His own holiness and offers us rescue.

God saw the people

God saw them. El Roi, the God who sees, never takes His eyes off of you and me. He looks at us, always knowing and always seeing. Over and over the Bible declares God’s watchfulness and care over His people. Genesis 16:13 declares, “You are a God of seeing.” Seeing my trouble, He cares. As a mother I fail to see alot of what my children do until it is too late, until the injury has happened, but God is not like me. He has never been unaware of what His children are doing. He never has to have explanations or summaries to catch Him up.

and God knew

God fully knows all of our suffering. Psalm 56:8 recounts, “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” So our Father who gathers our tears in a bottle will surely care for each cause of those tears. He hears our prayers and sees our tears (2 Kings 20:5 & Psalm 18:6), and He draws near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed (Psalm 34:16). Lovingly He inclines his ear to us, hearing our cries for mercy (Psalm 116:1-2.) We are His treasure, highly valued and cared for (Matthew 10:30-31.) Furthermore He has given us the Holy Spirit who helps in our weaknesses when we don’t know what to pray or how to cry out. The Spirit intercedes for you and me with groanings before the Father according to His will (Romans 8:26-27). You are highly valued by the omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent God who created all things and set all things in motion. And He knows all of His plan for you: from redemption to final glory, He is fully engaged, fully in control, fully working for His glory and your ultimate good.

The beauty of the Gospel is that His knowledge walks hand in hand with His covenant redemption offered through Jesus Christ. He knew His plan for our spiritual rescue from the beginning of time, and He knows His plan for your rescue right here in the midst of the pain, confusion, worry, or doubt you may be experiencing today. You are His.

Refine My Heart

For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried.

Psalm 66:10

I am amazed at how faithful God is to refine my heart, making me more and more into His image for His glory. Have you ever had a time when you seem to face the same sin or struggle over and over? I know I do with myself, and I can also see it while disciplining my children. Discouragement can creep into my thoughts as I wonder why I choose the wrong action again and again. Sometimes I find myself in the bathroom with a child discussing the same sin issue as yesterday and the week before, almost as if it won’t go away.

Malachi 3:3 says the He is a Refiner’s Fire, purifying and refining us that we may bring gifts of righteousness to Him. He is a consuming fire, and Scripture reminds us that only when the dross is removed from the silver can the vessel be shaped.

refining my heart

Refining silver requires several steps. First the ore is broken.  The Gospel is clear: we offer nothing for our salvation, and we contribute nothing to our great need for rescue from our sin. We need the breaking open by His hand so that Christ alone can save us.

A crucible, a place where concentrated forces interact to cause or influence change and development, heats these pieces of ore. High heat separates the silver from all the other matter mixed with it. Proverbs 17:3 says The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and the LORD tests hearts. The Holy Spirit works within our hearts, convicting and bringing up to the surface the waste, the sin, the flesh I wrestle, in order to remove them and cleanse me from my unrighteousness. His hands patiently skim this next round of selfishness or impatience off the top all the while seeking to clarify my heart that I can reflect Him more and more.

Silver becomes more and more malleable and flexible as the dross is removed. My heart bends more towards His as He refines. The artist can fashion beauty as the waste is removed.

my response

How much do I dread the dross? How often do I avoid or try to cover up the very thing God desires to draw to the top in order to remove?  I seek every opportunity to recirculate it through or push it back to the bottom so that no one else could see or so it doesn’t reflect on me. But God wants to work in these very areas that shame wants to hide. He desires to eradicate the flesh that He may be glorified. 

Even in parenting my children, as I watch the Spirit refine and work to remove the sin, the waste, the dross in their lives, I squirm. I worry that I am responsible, that perhaps their struggles are my fault. I want to step in between His hand and them and buffer or mend. As my daughter wisely stated, “Perhaps God is at work in our character in ways only He can.” 

Only He knows the exact plan for each of us. Thankfully He knows the vessel He desires to create and continues to refine. He will work in our lives that we may know and love Him more.

Conviction

Sometimes I can see it immediately, the blackness, the thickness of it, the wedge it places within my heart – the absolute movement away from the truth in order to answer the pull and tug of my flesh. I can see the curtain drop in order to allow my pride or my selfishness to justify my actions. I know my choices are sinful and yet these desires draw me in. I long for forgiveness for the sin I see.

photo credit: noah kimsey

But there are other times when my flesh fools me. The filmy gauze that covers my heart is almost invisible to me – the inspection within that checks my motives cannot see the lies I embrace. Until the Spirit blows across. The flutter of heart deceit, the lifting of a corner of pride, or the push for self preservation becomes visible for a moment. Often I am surprised to see the hidden motivations of flesh and the self-worship that spring forth.

Conviction comes with both and conviction only comes through the Holy Spirit. He is perpetually at work within me turning my heart from the idolatry of self to the worship of God alone.

Repentance must follow the conviction. 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. We can confess our sins and be cleansed. Spurgeon says, “We must confess the guilt as well as the fact of sin. It is useless to conceal it, for it is well known to God; it is beneficial to us to own it, for a full confession softens and humbles the heart. We must as far as possible unveil the secrets of the soul, dig up the hidden treasure of Achan, and by weight and measure bring out our sins.” Confession of sin is not merely saying something was done. “To confess sin, then, means to say the same thing about it that God says about it,” Wiersbe clarifies.

2 sides of forgiveness of sin

Cleansing is 2 sided. We have the judicial side or what I’ve always thought of as positional forgiveness. As a believer I am forgiven for all sins, past present and future. That will never change.

But the other side is personal.  My relationship minute to minute with Christ depends on my level of pursuing light or my comfort with the dark. Matthew 5:3 addresses this when Jesus talks about being poor in spirit. If I live my life understanding my need for salvation and forgiveness and if I mourn (Matthew 5:4) over my sin then I am continually listening to the Holy Spirit as He brings conviction. I am surrendering and confessing so that I stay in right relationship, staying in step with the Spirit.

His truth in forgiveness

The joy of right relationship with Him leads me to proclaim who He is. I worship unreservedly because I know He sees all of me. I serve wholeheartedly because I know how much I have been given. My identity does not contend with the flesh uncovered. Because of Christ’s death and resurrection, I am secure ~ secure to walk with Him, to repent before Him, to realign with His truth, and to rejoice in His salvation.

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, nut now you have received mercy. ~1 Peter 2:9-10

Where do you find yourself struggling with your sin?

Do you seek His forgiveness, listening to His conviction?

Do you walk triumphantly, confident of who you are in Christ?

Songs of Hope Devotional

Are you weary? Are you discouraged? Do you wonder if you are all alone or things will ever change? Songs of Hope is a wonderful devotional that will direct your gaze to the only One, God on high, who gives us strength and true rest. This devotional was written by 26 talented writers who have joined together with one heartbeat – to offer biblically based truth for all the worries, fears, and hardships that discourage us. Based in the Psalms, each day jumps off the truths we find in a Psalm and reminds us that there is hope for us everyday despite the hardships of life.

I had the wonderful opportunity to contribute to this book by writing one day’s devotional. As I have spent time in the past few weeks reading through these pages, I have been struck by the consistency of our God to speak the same truth through many different voices. He is our Hope. He offers relief – relief from exhaustion of everyday tasks, care for our hearts hurt or burdened, solace from the storms of stress, and consolation when we grieve. Even in the hardest moments, there is hope.

You can grab the devotional today!

The devotional comes in two different forms:

Digital Version: $7

Printed Hard Copy: $10

If you purchase now, you also receive a printable journal to use.

I just want to encourage you to know He is our Hope. He is our Sustainer in the daily menial tasks as well as the hard, scary moments, our Fountain that will never run dry, the Lifter of your head, and the One who comforts your soul. Run to Him. The Psalms display the raw revealing walk with God, and for many years they have been a source of comfort, exhortation, and encouragement for me.

Here is a sample day to see the format of the devotional, questions, and prayer. Please let me know if you have any questions!

Parenting children with hope & peace

What do you do when parenting your children seems next to impossible? Settling my heart in truth becomes vital. The Gospel holds my peace and hope.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. ~Deuteronomy 6:5-7

Squabbling, fussing, arguing, complaining, and the dreaded whining are all common symptoms in my family on this parenting journey! And truthfully, I can do it all also! I often see an outbreak with a transition, busyness in our schedule, at the beginning of a vacation, or in stressful seasons of life. My children will fuss, demand their way, complain and as they grow into their teen years, they may seek to avoid or isolate.  Negative engagements are a guarantee, and if I don’t see them for their purpose, I miss something beautiful.

Unfortunately, I often get this perspective very wrong. In my selfishness, I want peace, quiet, ease, and happiness for all. I don’t want squabbles, whining, etc. so I will tend to shut it down quickly with verbal discipline.

Searching out the heart purpose behind a fussy child is the more significant work ~ one of His designs of family life. When I begin to embrace the heart pursuit God desires for each of my children, when I begin to filter their actions through the sieve of Gospel truth, then grace can grow within me for them in the moments of discipline. My heart undergoes a transformation before I ever engage in shepherding theirs. Prior to ever stepping into the bathroom where my child sits, I need to spend a few moments with Him. I need to seek what lies may be at the root of the behavior, determine what flesh is on display, and see both my child and the behavior the way God does.

And often before I can even engage in prayer over my child, I need to spend a few moments looking at the lies, flesh, or sin that welled up in me as all this erupted in my home. That’s just the truth. Most sin sparks sin in others. We have a saying in our home that sin is contagious and can make everyone sick within minutes! So whether the sin is divisiveness, selfishness, fear, worry, anger, pride, you name it, other people will soon be exhibiting symptoms in reaction to the initial sinner. We can all resent the mess out of this contagion, or we can use these moments to declare God’s power, His victory, and His salvation over our desperate need that is on display.

Let’s be warriors for truth! Let’s get down into the midst of the sin and call it out for what it is, not from pride or disgust, No! but from a place of grace and mercy that we have received and we now offer to the sinner in our midst. Let’s be more like Christ was with the adulterous woman or the woman who touched his coat – let’s explore the heart deep within and tend to the wounds, the lies, the fears and apply the salve of great grace, deep love, and complete truth that only Jesus offers through His death and resurrection. Let’s speak the Gospel to our children in ways that make it the most desirable, the most welcoming, the most trustworthy space for them to occupy.

We can create environments where Jesus can shine in all His glory because we are pointing to Him. As we set our own hearts on His truth, we confess our own need for Him as we fail.  We assure our children of God’s steadfast love when we resolutely love them despite their failings, despite their sin, despite their flesh. But just like God does not leave us in a space of unrighteousness but rather calls us out to walk with Him in truth and holiness, we also need to be faithful to truth and holiness. Calling sin a sin is not condemnation, not when my heart is humble to the truth that I too struggle with sin.

Parenting with purpose takes time.

And sometimes it feels like all I do is move from one sin moment to another when every child needs special touches and reminders of God’s grace in the face of great sin. But I cling to the truth that these days are the most valuable for the Kingdom. These moments proclaim to the next generation the goodness of our God. Only when sin bursts forth do we see our great need for a Savior. Only when pride declares a godlike desire for worship can we point to the only One worthy of our praise and honor.

These are the days when the worship music plays at full volume and we dance in the unstoppable grace of a God who showers us with love, patience, truth, and mercy.

And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. ~Philippians 1:9-11

The Gospel Changes Everything – Part 2

Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving. See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition according to the elemental spirits of the world and not according to Christ. ~Colossians 2:6-8

You can find Part 1 of this talk here. If you will bear with me for a minute, I am going to get a little nerdy with words. But I want to assure you, God wrote His book for us to delight in his words! He purposefully wrote – all scripture is God-breathed – we know this.

These words all look to be in the same tense but actually, in the Greek, they are different from each other.

Rooted – is a perfect participle and it’s passive in voice; the word means “To fix firmly” (a perfect participle demonstrates an action that happened and was completed in the past) You were rooted, tethered, anchored into God’s family by Jesus Christ blood shed for you and His resurrection power. There is a connection where there was never a connection before, intimacy instead of loneliness. Your root system is in the One who never wilts, withers, or dies.

Built up in him – present participle and passive voice; to build upon a foundation, what foundation? Jesus Christ; This is a verb showing present action, happening right now in time and ongoing, in English we use ~ing endings for these type verbs.

Established in the faith – present participle and passive voice;  to confirm, guarantee or secure – what? Securing in the faith, guaranteeing in the faith.

Please notice – the first verb is finished; the other 2 verbs are ongoing, happening right now. Now the last way I described the verbs is passive voice. In grammar, verbs can either be active or passive voice. Active voice verbs have the subject of the sentence doing the action while with passive voice verbs, the action is being applied TO the subject. All three of these verbs are passive. This is action being done TO YOU! This is the work of the Spirit in your life and mine! We do not tether, build our foundation, or guarantee our own faith. Dwell there a moment with me. These are His actions, the work of the Spirit within you and me.

And finally abounding in thanksgiving – present participle and active voice. This again is an ongoing verb and finally, we have a verb we are actually doing rather than having the action done to us! I abound in thanksgiving.

My root system changes, My faith is established and built, and my response is abundant thanksgiving.

Oh! My heart cries out just the way I think David did in 2 Sam. 7:18 – Who am I, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far?

The Gospel changes everything, It is enough.

Gratitude grounded in Christ overflows to all we do. Our hearts long more and more for the ways of the Spirit of God, we run to be more like Christ, not because there is a huge checklist and we are busy checking it – no, we run towards Christ because we know His cost, we recognize His actions, we appreciate and revere His power. Suddenly the cry of our heart mimics the leading of the Spirit to walk and please God (1 Thess. 4:1)  being transformed from one glory to another (2 Cor. 3:8) and being steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord (1 Cor 15:58) growing up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ (Eph 4:18).

Sweet reader, your identity is secured. Rest.

He is building you up little by little every day, layer by layer. Abide.

He establishes your faith, grounding you in His word as He grows you, securing you more and more in His truth. Surrender.

And let your heart begin to open in thanksgiving. Worship.

From this position of understanding, receiving, and knowing your identity and the value you hold, your perspective changes who you are as a woman, wife, mother, in your job, in your family. When I understand the tether, the anchor is Christ Jesus, when I recognize the Spirit placed within me as a seal is at work building me up and strengthening my faith, it changes everything about me. I am and you are not hopeless but hope, not without identity but known intimately and pursued, not dead but alive, not defeated but victorious!

So purity can begin to become our heartbeat, not for a list to succeed in checking, not for comparison, not for accolades, and not for safety (against fear). No! When I was asked to come and share a breakfast with you this morning, I asked what the theme or vision the leadership had for this time – purity was their word from the Lord. And honestly my initial reaction was a wrinkly nose – both the world and the church have changed the way that word sounds to me and maybe to you. The word has been robbed of its meaning: degraded by the church into self-righteous behavior modification with judgment for falling short, and downgraded or duplicated by the world so that whatever is pure for you simply equals purity – relativism without meaning.

But I want you to know Purity is yours! We pursue purity because our root system is different, our filter is Christ, and our hearts are so thankful all we can do is worship with our lives. God will teach us about purity, about righteous living through many different passages of scripture, but they are never apart from the truth of the saving grace of Jesus Christ and His commitment to you to grow you in His image.

Maybe you are the girl who believes she cannot do this thing called Christian living- there’s too much pressure and no way to win. The Gospel is enough. It changes everything

Maybe you worry more about what other people think. The Gospel is enough. It changes everything.

Maybe you worry you won’t actually be able to achieve all the things on your list at all times. The Gospel is enough. It changes everything.

Maybe you are tired of this whole thing, and you think you don’t need Him. The Gospel is enough. It changes everything.

Colossians 3:1-3 ~ If then you have been raised with Christ, (tethered) seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. (abounding in thanksgiving) For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God (identity)

Galatians 5:25 ~ If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. (built up in him & established in the faith)

**This is the text of a luncheon teaching I shared in Valdosta, Ga.

practical thoughts about discipline

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds. ~ Jeremiah 17:9-10

 

There have been SO many times in the Kimsey household where I have had children in every bathroom in our house and some more on their beds, thinking about what they did that contributed to the great conflagration that just occurred!   It only takes a little spark to begin to fuel an explosion between multiple factions and next thing I know, everyone is mad, taking sides, screeching and screaming!

Before I interact with any of them, I seek to set my own heart firmly in the truth of the Gospel. I want to begin with seeking out my own heart because more than likely I have been angered, short-tempered, or in some way put out by the disobedience, fighting, or whatever precipitated this time. The same truths for them apply to me. So I want to take a few minutes with Jesus and set my heart on Him, on the truth of my sin, on His love, on His great mercy and His pursuing grace.

I have found that removing children to quiet places works well. In our home, we use the bathrooms most often simply because there is not much in the bathroom to distract my child from the primary goal of this quiet time. I want to create quiet space for my child to begin to hear from the Holy Spirit about why he or she is struggling in relationship with the others in the family. This removal is not a timeout or a timed interval at all; rather, it is a space where emotions can calm down, their minds can stop racing, and their hearts can be tended to.

Can I encourage you to remember all the truths of the Gospel when parenting and disciplining your children? Romans 1:16 resonates in discipline moments, For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, When I keep this before me, I have greater empathy and patience for my children; when I just want good behavior, I am short tempered and become a part of the problem. Your children are believing the same basic lies that have motivated all sin from the beginning of time – whether the lies are that they should be in control which promotes disobedience and rebellion, whether the lies are they are most important which leads to selfishness and cruelty, or some other lie that declares what they are worshiping. Their heart will deceive them, leading them away from the truth of God and towards the pursuit of loving themselves first. They will naturally seek their own good, their own control, their own protection. They will defend their own “wisdom” despite its futility. When we understand the heart of man, we can understand and not be surprised or offended by their behavior. Our goal is not to stop the heart of flesh. That is the work of the Holy Spirit. Our goal is to point to the Savior and illuminate their fierce need for Him.

So my bathroom conversations with my lost children as well as my saved children run on parallel tracks, both pointing to Christ. To my saved child, the goal of the conversation is to help them honestly look at their part, to guide them through what was motivating them and what lie they chased, and re-establish with them the truths of who they are because of Jesus Christ and what God is at work doing within them. To my lost child, it is my opportunity to point out their need for the salvation Jesus offers and offer hope to them.

Bathroom discipline often looks practically like this – I sit down, bringing myself down to their eye level and I ask them to stand in front of me with their hands on my knees. Really this just stills their little body and helps them focus their eyes on mine. I want them to hear me speak, which means emotions need to calm if they are upset, focus needs to come, and bodies need to quiet. I try to speak very softly, asking questions that purpose to lead them into a thoughtful examination of themselves, even at the little ages of 2 & 3. Questions like, “Why are you in here?” or “Tell me what happened that made you have to come in here?” let me know what they understand about what has happened. Conversations are the goal initially. I want to hear their heart, both to see what work the Spirit is already doing as well as to see what they may be believing that is not true. Listening intently and seeking to make sure that I have even gotten the complete picture of what offenses took place are very important tasks. Many times I have removed the loudest or the one with the most fingers pointing at them only to find that there are other guilty parties that need to be disciplined as well! 

One important truth that steadies my heart in the midst of the discouragement of everyday life with a bunch of sinners is that God pursues us continually. He does not cease. He is a God who values relationship, who declares His redeeming love through His Son, and who is at work transforming us from one degree to another. He does not get discouraged with my stubborn heart or sinful tendencies. He keeps on pursuing. And He is doing the same thing with each of your children and invites you to join Him in pursuit. What an honor!

I seek to chase the lies they are believing and introduce the truth God offers instead. God’s word holds the truth we need. To the one who is saved and walking in new life, this is encouraging; to the one who is lost, this is a holy invitation. Prayer covers the time with hugs and a final blessing is given as they walk back out the door.

The blessing launches them back. They more than likely need to go to the one(s) they have offended and apologize and own their wrongs. They have confessed their wrongs before God but now must confess again to their siblings or others. Just like Paul closed every letter with a blessing to the churches to launch them into the truths he had laid before them, I too want to bless my children. So I spend a few moments reminding them of my love for them and my belief that God is at work in them changing them to be more like Him (if they are saved) or calling them to know Him as their Savior (if they are lost). These are words of life that point to where God is working and moving in their hearts. I know God is working on you becoming a mighty peacemaker for Him (if they have been struggling with arguing) or I see the way God is changing your heart for others and making you a servant of others (if they are struggling with selfishness). Always point them to God’s work in their lives. This time of discipline is NOT your opinion or what makes your life easier today. This is God’s holy work, you are merely an ambassador for Him. Point to Him. The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all (2 Corinthians 13:14)

The Gospel Changes Everything – Part 1

Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving. See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition according to the elemental spirits of the world and not according to Christ. ~Colossians 2:6-8

What would I tell my younger self, working out my major in college, worried about the way I looked, the way people perceived me, unsure of everything I was doing, crushed by the way it seemed life was going?

The Gospel changes everything. It is enough

What would I tell my young married self? – trying to balance a new career and a new marriage, desiring to walk in marriage well but unsteady of every step, wanting to be like Jesus to my husband yet so unclear what this looked like

 The Gospel changes everything. It is enough

What would I tell my new mother self, juggling 3 babies under the age of 3 with a husband who was working more than 120 hours a week as a surgical resident, trying to still work just a little to make ends meet, completely unsure about how to discipline little hearts, love them completely, and still pursue Jesus, exhausted at every turn by lack of sleep, lack of knowledge, and busyness.

The Gospel changes everything. It is enough

What do I want myself to remember every waking moment of each day as I parent 8 children, homeschooling, discipling hearts, encouraging anxious children, love my husband, work hard on the things God has called me to in this season of life?

The Gospel changes everything. It is enough

What do I want myself to remember as the children leave, each launching in their own way, whether they are walking with God or not, whether my heart is thrilled with who they have become or perhaps grieved, walking into a new season with my husband as the nest empties? 

The Gospel changes everything. It is enough

What would I tell the woman here who says my life hasn’t turned out the way I planned, the way I wanted, the way I dreamed it would? What would I say to the woman who says I have such deep hurts, such great chasms in my very being where I have been betrayed, wounded, made to feel less than and unwanted? What would I say to the woman who feels like she cannot measure up, cannot do what she wants to do well, aches with a desire to be different than she is but feels stuck? What would I say to the woman says, “I simply don’t care anymore. “ what would I tell the woman who is all alone, either grieving the loss of a marriage, the loss of a spouse, this loss of a child?

The Gospel changes everything. It is enough.

The Gospel is enough. He is enough. Whatever you walked into this room carrying, burdened and weighed down with worries, fears, bondage, grief, or pressure to perform. Everything about the way you live your life changes in the light of the Gospel, the good news about Jesus Christ. 

So the question becomes, what is the Gospel? Do I understand and live in light of the Gospel? How is the Gospel enough for me?

When we look at the passage, Paul says as you received Christ Jesus the Lord so walk in Him we want to understand exactly what it means to receive Christ Jesus the Lord and walk in Him. So we are going to look at the parts of the Gospel and break them apart:

Who is God

Who is man

Who is Jesus

Who am I now, and the work being done in me

Why is it so important to be on a Gospel hunt? Because all of the Word of God points to the good news of salvation and redemption. God lays out moment after moment in the Old Testament pointing to the coming Savior and illuminates His redemption in the New Testament. In the Old Testament He introduces us to Himself – His holiness, righteousness, steadfast love, and faithfulness to name a few. He gives us pictures of the “great rescue” that will come because of man’s sinfulness. In the New Testament redemption comes, Christ atones for our sin. We can be changed with His help alone. The truth of the gospel radically changes our understanding of our identity. God has issued an invitation to be His child, a new creation in Christ.

Who is God – 

God is holy, just, powerful, sovereign, maker of all things, all knowing and eternal. He is all knowing, self sufficient, and unchanging. Many more attributes comprise Him. Mankind is not any of these. Isaiah 40 – to whom will you compare me, that I should be like him? Says the Holy One. 1 Samuel 2:2 There is none holy like the Lord, there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God… for the LORD is a God of knowledge and by him actions are weighed…The Lord kills and brings to life…The Lord will judge the ends of the earth.  Ps 93 – The Lord reigns; he is robed in majesty; … Your throne is established from of old; you are from everlasting. 

1 Timothy 6:15-16 he who is the blessed and only Sovereign, the KING of KINGs and LORD of LORDS, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To him be honor and eternal dominion. AMEN.  I praise you God

Who is man? 

Who are we? We are created beings, fashioned by God made in His image, designed for relationship – different than any other created being in this world. 

Colossians 1:21 says we are alienated, hostile in our minds, doing evil deeds, Colossians 1:13 living in a domain of darkness. Ephesians 2:1 says we are dead in sin, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now at work in the sons of disobedience, children of wrath, Galatians declares we are held captive and enslaved, 1 Peter 3:18 calls us unrighteous, and Romans 1-3 clearly lays out the unrighteousness and depravity of all man.  Galatians 6 calls us slaves to sin and Gal 6:23 states, The wages of sin is death, but… No one is without sin and thus all of us are separated from God and sentenced to death by Holy God.

Where is my hope? How do I please God? I don’t. I can’t. I cannot do enough, perform well enough, there is no good enough. 

Who is Jesus then?

How then is the gap between holiness and slavery/alienation bridged? God sent His son Jesus Christ as the payment for the debt of sin that traps mankind (Romans 3:21-26, Galatians 3:13-14, Ephesians 2:4-10)  Colossians 1:19-22. While this may seem basic, it is imperative to understand the important concept that God does all the work of salvation. We do nothing to earn the payment for sin that Jesus paid. We believe. We do nothing to deserve it; there is no way to merit the grace and mercy given.

Who am I in light of these 3? So what is my response? How does this change me?

 he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior(Titus 3:5-6). The cleansing power comes because Jesus Christ died for your sin and mine on the cross many years ago. His payment paid for all the sin debt that mars our hearts and redeemed us from the curse of sin. Colossians 2:13-15 – And you who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in Him.

Works and performance are worthless foundations, but many people carry a concept of being good or doing good as necessary for God’s forgiveness. Do you? Do you take the portions of scripture such as in Ephesians 4, Colossians 3 or 1 Thessalonians 4 that speak to our response to God’s unmerited grace (the way our life will look as we respond to the life we have been given) and place them ahead of your salvation? Do you struggle with thoughts that God may be mad at you or disappointed in you? Do you fear messing up or not walking well? Do you hear thoughts that say you aren’t good enough for God to help you or listen to your prayers? 

I want you to know today that while you were a sinner, Christ died for you (Rom. 5:8). He saved you, not because of works done by you in righteousness, but according to his own mercy (Titus 3:5). He has given Himself and all the blessings of being redeemed to you from the start – you have life abundantly (John 10:10), you have the fullness of Him (Col. 2:9-10), you have the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13), you have been given His divine power (2 Peter 1:4-5) – You are His child (Rom. 8:16), secure in His love (1 John 4:9-10), and nothing can separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:39).

The Gospel is enough

So How does it change everything?